Manifest: 7 Bước Để Thay Đổi Cuộc Đời Bạn Mãi Mãi PDF EPUB PDF EPUB

"Manifest: 7 Bước Để Thay Đổi Cuộc Đời Bạn Mãi Mãi PDF EPUB PDF EPUB 🔙 Quay lại trang tải sách pdf ebook Manifest: 7 Bước Để Thay Đổi Cuộc Đời Bạn Mãi Mãi PDF EPUB PDF EPUB Ebooks Nhóm Zalo Roxie Nafousi MANIFEST 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life WRITE-ON PAGES Any references to ‘writing in this book’ refer to the original printed version. Readers should write on a separate piece of paper in these instances. Contents 5. INTRODUCTION 1. My manifesting journey 2. The science of manifesting 3. The universe 4. Manifest with Roxie: the Community 6. STEP 1: Be Clear in Your Vision 7. STEP 2: Remove Fear and Doubt 1. Cultivate and Practise Self-Love 8. STEP 3: Align Your Behaviour 9. STEP 4: Overcome Tests from the Universe 10. STEP 5: Embrace Gratitude (without caveats) 11. STEP 6: Turn Envy into Inspiration 12. STEP 7: Trust in the Universe 13. EPILOGUE 14. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 15. SOURCES 16. INDEX About the Author Roxie is a Self-Development Coach, Manifesting Expert, Ambassador for the Mental Health Foundation and Instagram Agony Aunt and contributor for Kourtney Kardashian’s wellness platform, POOSH. Roxie works with one-to-one clients as well as hosting monthly self development workshops and webinars to over 600 people a month. She is the host of popular podcast series called “The Moments That Made Me”. Her commitment to transforming the lives of people who suffer with emotional and mental-health issues and helping them to fulfil their potential has seen her become a well-known and respected figure in the wellness world. For my son, Wolfe Be whoever you want to be Introduction TO MANIFEST: To make something happen Manifesting is the ability to create the exact life that you want. It is the ability to draw in anything that you desire and become the author of your own story. It looks and feels like magic, and we are all the magicians. MY MANIFESTING JOURNEY In May 2018, my life looked entirely different to how it does now. I was twenty-seven years old and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life; I had no job, no direction and no sense of purpose. I had been in a battle with depression for over a decade, and in the grip of addiction for almost as long. I was overwhelmingly sad for much of the time, my self-worth was non-existent and, after a string of failed relationships, I was very much alone. I had just returned from Thailand, where I had gone for a month to complete a yoga teacher-training course. I had gone in hope that not only would I get a qualification I could potentially use to assemble some sort of career but also that, in being away from the temptations of city life, I would be able to heal my pain and change my hedonistic, partying ways. But I was back in London for less than twenty-four hours before I found myself in the same old cycle; smoking, drinking and taking drugs. It was then – and not for the first time – that I hit rock bottom. I felt completely hopeless. If not even a month of self-reflection, daily meditation, clean eating and two hundred hours of yoga could help me, what would? I called my friend Sophia, totally broken. When would I ever feel happy? I asked her. She said to me, ‘I listened to a podcast on something called manifesting last night. I’ll send you the link now, I think it could really help you.’ I was on my way to get a manicure at the time, so I figured that while I sat and had my nails reapplied I may as well just put on my headphones and listen. As I recollect this story now, I have such a vivid image in my mind; I can see myself sitting in the white chair, wearing my black leggings and oversized denim jacket, having my nails painted a candy-coloured pink as I listened intently to something that was about to change my world for ever. When my nails were done I went straight home and opened up my laptop. I typed into Google, ‘What is manifesting?’ and I sat and read and researched and listened and learned and absorbed everything I could on manifesting. I already knew the first thing I wanted to manifest: unconditional love. Just one week after listening to that podcast episode and putting into practice some of the things I had learned, I received a message on a dating app called Raya from an Australian actor named Wade Briggs. We had no friends in common, but I thought he looked particularly cute and so I replied, and we quickly began a non-stop texting marathon. Two weeks later, Wade happened to be stopping in London for four days after travelling through Europe in a van for several months with his best friend, before heading back home to Australia. So we decided to meet up the day after he arrived in the city. Our date went so well that Wade decided not to get on his flight home so that he could just ‘stay a bit longer and see what happens’. Three months later, we found out I was pregnant. On 7 June 2019, exactly one year to the day after receiving his message, our baby boy, Wolfe, was born. There it was: unconditional love. Three years later, Wade and I are stronger than ever, and totally and utterly obsessed with our perfect little boy. On top of that, I am free of all addiction, I have carved out a successful career for myself which is full of purpose and passion, I am happier and more content than I could put into words and I finally possess something I thought would be forever out of my reach: self-love. After discovering manifesting, I took everything I learned and, almost instinctively, organized it in my mind into seven simple steps. I started following the steps myself and then everything began to unfold in the most magnificent and rapid way. The change felt so magical, yet at the same time it made so much sense to me that it felt entirely logical, too. My life transformed in every way imaginable; not an inch of it was left the same. And it all happened because of one thing: understanding the true art of manifestation. I started telling all my friends, and my small following on Instagram, about this incredible thing called ‘manifesting’. Most people had no idea what I was talking about and those that did always said the same thing: ‘Oh, isn’t that when you just visualize what you want and it happens?’ I realized then that the majority of people had never even heard about manifesting, and those that had only seemed to understand the surface layer of it: that was why so few people were successfully doing it. I felt this urge, a calling within me, to teach as many people as possible how to uncover the power that lies within them. Over the last two years I have shared my 7-step guide to manifesting with thousands and thousands of men and women in my workshops and webinars. I receive daily messages from people who have transformed their worlds and made their dreams come true, thanks to this powerful and magical practice. As we entered 2021, I knew that it was time to write this book, because I knew that I could reach – and teach – so many more people through the written word. I continue to use manifestation every single day, and I live and breathe the steps I am going to teach you. It serves me in all the best ways and enables me to wake up every single day both grateful for all that I have and excited about what the universe is going to bring to me. Since starting my workshops, I have seen a rise in interest in manifesting, and this interest has certainly been gaining momentum. It has been so exciting to see more and more people opening their minds to the idea that they are in charge of their destiny, but, for many people, the amount of information can be overwhelming and it can be hard to know where to begin. Within this book, I have streamlined everything you need to know into 7 simple steps so that you can unlock the magic for yourself and begin your journey to manifesting your dream life. I want to say this, though, loud and clear: manifesting is so much more than just a trend. Manifesting is a meeting of science and wisdom; it is a philosophy to live by and a self-development practice to help you live your best life. Manifesting is not a new concept. William Walker Atkinson introduced the concept of manifestation in his book Thought Vibration or the Law of Attraction in the Thought World, all the way back in 1906. And one of my favourite definitions of manifesting was written in 1937, by journalist Napoleon Hill, in Think and Grow Rich. He said ‘You are the master of your destiny. You can influence, direct and control your own environment. You can make your life what you want it to be.’ Since then, many great philosophers and thinkers have gone on to write about the power of manifesting: some of my favourite teachers include Louise Hay, Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Oprah Winfrey and Dr Joe Dispenza. All these people know something that I now know, too, without any doubt: manifesting works. THE SCIENCE OF MANIFESTING I said just now that manifesting was the meeting of science and wisdom. So here is a simplified explanation of the science for you. Quantum physics has taught us that everything in the universe is made up of energy. We are made up of energy, the chair we sit on is energy and the sky above us is all energy too. In other words, all physical matter is pure energy. What differentiates one thing from another is the vibrational frequency and the density of the atoms it is constituted from. The frequency of the vibration can be high, low or anywhere in between. The law of attraction states that like attracts like. This means that a high-frequency vibration attracts high-frequency vibrations back to it, and a low-frequency vibration attracts low-frequency vibrations back to it. Our thoughts, emotions and feelings are all made up of energy, too, and different emotions have different frequencies. When we change our thoughts, we change how we feel and what emotions we experience, which in turn shifts our entire vibrational frequency. We then attract back to us the frequency that we put out. So, if we alter our thoughts, and therefore our emotions, we can alter our vibration and, ultimately, our reality. Throughout this book, I will use the terms ‘high vibe’ and ‘low vibe’ to describe the high or low frequency of the vibration. The science of manifesting works in another way, too, that is less about quantum physics and much more about neuroscience. The idea is that we can use neuroplasticity (our brain’s ability to change and form new pathways through growth, learning and experience) to raise our subconscious feelings of self-worth and to override limiting beliefs, while priming our brain to see opportunity and align our behaviour towards our desired goals. As you follow this book, you will learn why all of these things are integral to mastering manifestation. If you want to learn more about the science of manifesting, I suggest checking out Dr Tara Swart’s book, The Source. Tara is a neuroscientist, fellow manifesting expert and a friend of mine, and in her book she backs up the power of manifesting with cognitive research. THE UNIVERSE Whenever I talk about manifesting, I will talk about the universe. For me, it is the universe that holds the power and magic behind manifesting; it holds something greater than our conscious awareness. It is an energetic force that holds within it the infinite abundance of the world. If, for you, this energetic power is something different, then please feel free to replace ‘the universe’ with your own interpretation at any time throughout the book. Now, are you ready to unlock your inner power and live your best life? MANIFEST WITH ROXIE: THE COMMUNITY One of the most beautiful and wonderful aspects of all my workshops, webinars and group coaching sessions is the community that is built within them. So many online friendships have been born out of my webinars during the 2020 lockdown, and there are countless WhatsApp groups, with hundreds of men and women who have come together after meeting at my events. In these chat groups they support each other, send one another inspirational content and share self-development resources. I honestly can’t describe how happy it makes me to see the community growing in this way. I know that, as we get older, it is not always easy to meet like minded people and make new friends which is why I want my platform to really become a space for meeting and connection and encourage everyone on it to do this. If you want to join the community, come along to one of my webinars or in-person workshops or join the ‘Manifest with Roxie’ Facebook group. You can also use the hashtag #MANIFESTWITHROXIE to share your stories and post about your progress and your manifesting success stories. STEP 1 Be Clear in Your Vision ‘Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.’ ROBIN SHARMA The first step of any manifesting journey is to be clear in your vision. To put it simply, you can’t get to where you want to go if you don’t know where it is you are headed. So, before anything else, you need to have clarity on what you want the universe to provide you with. I should begin by explaining why knowing exactly what you want, and then visualizing it, is so important for manifestation. When we create an experience in our mind, our brain responds as if it is really happening. Neuroscientist Dr Tara Swart explains in The Source that ‘visualisation works because there is surprisingly little difference to the brain between experiencing an event directly in the outside world and a strongly imagined vision of the same event’. For example, if we visualize ourselves in a stressful scenario, our brain will respond as though it is really happening: our nervous system will prepare for fight or flight and will release the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. This will cause our heart to beat faster, our breath to shorten and our blood pressure to rise. By imagining a stressful situation in our minds, we create a literal and physiological stress on our body. If, on the other hand, we imagine ourselves in a serene and peaceful setting, our brain will trigger the nervous system to calm down and encourage the body to relax. The images we form in our mind create a physiological change in our body and therefore have the power to influence the reality we then experience. So, as we visualize ourselves having the things that we desire most, we will create a physiological change that will shift our energetic vibrational frequency and consequently determine what we attract into our lives, by the law of attraction. Visualization helps us to manifest in another way too: when we start to regularly practise visualizing the things that we want, our brain responds by altering our behaviour patterns and our interpretations of our surroundings in line with the imagined goal. It also becomes more perceptive and open to new opportunities that will align with our visualizations, while filtering out any unwanted information that does not. This means that we can literally prime our brains to drive us towards our desired future. Visualization is probably the most talked-about manifesting tool in the media. Countless celebrities, athletes and CEOs attribute much of their success to repeatedly visualizing their goals. Swimmer Michael Phelps, who won gold at the Olympics a record-breaking twenty-three times, said he used visualization to prepare for all of his races: he would imagine not only winning, but also things going wrong and seeing himself overcome any challenges with ease. By visually rehearsing all the scenarios and always seeing the best possible outcome, he was able to go into any race totally prepared to win, no matter what. The more elaborate the visualization, the more real it will feel and the more powerful it becomes. To really bring your visualization to life, try to gain clarity on as many details as you can. Be as specific as you can when you are designing your dreams. For example, if you are imagining your dream house, can you specify the location, the number of bedrooms and the layout? Can you see the colour of the front door or picture the flowers in the garden? Think about your visualizations like this: if you were getting in the car to drive to the airport, you wouldn’t just type ‘airport’ into Google Maps and then expect to be led there, would you? No, you would specify the exact airport and the exact terminal you wanted to end up at. Being vague in your visualizations simply won’t be enough. The more details you can include and the more specific you are, the clearer you will be in your vision. The real secret to effective visualization, though, is in understanding that it is not enough to just see the things that you want in your mind. No, to visualize effectively for manifestation, you must immerse yourself in the feeling of having them. Remember, we attract what we feel. It is only when we can see what we want and then create the emotional experience of having it that we change our vibrational frequency. So, when we imagine our dream home, for example, we must also imagine how it would actually feel to live there. The more intensely we can create the feeling of having what we want, the more easily it will come to us. Similarly, if you want to manifest meeting your soulmate, then try to visualize not just your perfect partner but how the relationship will make you feel. Can you conjure up those feelings of unconditional love, safety, warmth and of ‘being at home’ with someone? Whenever we use our visualizations to create a feeling within us, such as contentment, joy, confidence or love, we raise our vibrational frequency (aka our vibe), which allows us to attract high-vibe abundance back to us. Some of you reading this may be thinking, ‘I actually don’t know what I want to manifest, and I am finding it really challenging to visualize something specific that I want.’ You may not know what job you want, or where you’d like to be living, or how you want your life to look like one year from now. You may be at a pivotal moment in your life where you are seeking change but you don’t know which direction to take. If that’s the case, then you’re not alone. In fact, many people seem to find the magic of manifesting when they are feeling lost, directionless or stuck in their lives. If this is you, then I encourage you to focus your visualizations solely on how you want to feel. For example, you may want to manifest feeling more confident in yourself, more satisfied, more passionate, more driven, more in love, more at peace. You can absolutely manifest a feeling. I had a client who I worked with very closely last year. When she first came to me she was truly at her rock bottom. She had tried numerous types of therapy and healing techniques, but none of them seemed to work in helping her to create lasting change. She said to me, ‘I know you speak a lot about manifesting. Do you think you could help me to manifest, even if I don’t know what I want?’ I smiled at her and nodded. I asked her if she would be open to doing a meditation with me. She agreed and I guided her to a place of relaxation then asked her to visualize herself six months on from that moment. I asked her to try to identify how her ideal future self would feel, encouraging her to really embody that feeling. After I’d brought her back to the present moment, she explained that what she wanted, more than anything, was to be able to wake up in the morning feeling energized and hopeful about the day ahead. Like many people who have struggled with their mental or emotional health, that was not something she had felt for a long time. In taking her through this visualization and asking her to imagine how she wanted to feel, I had enabled her to begin her manifesting journey. Within six months, not only was she waking up energized and excited about the day ahead, she had gone on to transform her internal and external world in every way. She was thriving in her work, in her personal relationships and in her relationship with herself, and it all started with one thing: a feeling. When visualizing your ideal future, visualize not just what you want to manifest, but the person that you want to be. In fact, the question ‘Who do I want to become?’ might be the most important of the whole manifesting process. When you imagine your future self – the person you want to be tomorrow, next month, next year – ask yourself: how does this version of yourself feel physically, emotionally and energetically? How does this version of you behave day to day? What habits do you commit to? How do you handle stressful situations? What values and beliefs do you hold? What kind of relationships are present in your life, and how do they make you feel? Get crystal clear on the person you want to be and love that person unconditionally from this very moment. Know that this version of you already exists within you, dormant, but patiently waiting to be brought to life as you follow the rest of the steps in this book. THE GREATEST GIFT THAT MANIFESTING CAN OFFER US IS NOT TO HELP US ATTRACT THINGS FOR US TO POSSESS BUT TO HELP US UNLEASH THE MOST EMPOWERED, AUTHENTIC, SELF-LOVING AND TRULY MAGNIFICENT VERSION OF OURSELVES THAT THERE IS. Whenever I want to immerse myself into a visualization of my future self, I use meditation: I simply sit in a quiet space and focus my attention on my breath, and on the rise and fall of my belly as I inhale and exhale. As I bring all my awareness to the present moment, I can feel my mind and body begin to relax. Once I am in this relaxed state, I allow my imagination to take myself forward in time and then I begin to create my visualization, filling it with colourful details and conjuring up strong feelings and emotions. I usually sit in my visualization for ten to fifteen minutes and I repeat this two or three times a week. If you are new to meditation, I suggest that you listen to a guided meditation to help bring you to a relaxed state or to take you through your visualization. There are thousands available online – explore a few to find a narrative voice that you really connect with. I love using YouTube as a resource for visualization meditations. Apps such as Calm and Headspace are also very popular and offer a variety of meditations to help bring you into a relaxed state. Alternatively, you can visit my website, where I have created some specific Manifesting Meditations to help you all with your visualizations. (www.roxienafousi.com). FAQ: Q: Can you manifest more than one thing at a time? A: Yes, yes, yes!! Many of us will have multiple things that we want to manifest at any time and, as long as they are aligned with one another, then you can absolutely manifest them all simultaneously. During a visualization meditation, however, try to connect to just one goal or desired outcome at a time so that you can really sink into each imagined experience. Once you have an idea of where you want to be, who you want to become, and the things you want to manifest into your life, you can create your vision board. A vision board is a visual representation of how you want your life to look. Making a creative vision board allows you to have a clearer overview of all the different things that you want to manifest into your life while also adding another dimension to your visualization. Note: Whenever you are visualizing the things you want or creating a vision board of your perfect life, make a conscious effort to be completely authentic in what it is you want. In other words, it is important that you are not writing down what you think you should want, or what someone else wants for you, for example, your parents, teachers or partner. For your vision board to be effective, it must honestly represent the person you truly want to become. You must not compare your manifestation to anyone else’s either: you don’t have to want to manifest a mansion just because your best friend does. The most important thing to remember, though, is that manifestation is not about just attracting things into your life. Rather, it is about empowering yourself to live your best life – and let me remind you that the clichés are very much true: true contentment and joy come not from material possessions but from the relationships around us; from our sense of purpose; and from our ability to live in a way that reflects our most authentic self. So, when you are deciding what you want to manifest, choose the things that will bring you the most fulfilment possible and know that the only person who can decide what that is, is you. CREATING YOUR VISION BOARD If you search online, you will find a number of different ways to create a vision board. There is no right or wrong way to do this; you can create a vision board in any way you like, as long as you make something that best helps you visualize the life that you want to manifest. You can choose to design your own style of vision board or you can follow along with me: 1. Set the scene Light some candles, play some relaxing music and create a calm and meditative environment. Make your vision-boarding exercise a sacred event for you to enjoy and indulge yourself in. 2. Choose your medium Take a large sheet of card or paper and choose whether you prefer to write down your goals using different coloured pens (either in bullet points or as a free-flowing description) or whether you want to use images (draw them yourself or cut out pictures or words from magazines or newspapers that reflect the things you want to draw into your life). Choose whatever feels best for you – just remember to have fun with it. 3. Choose your timeline At the top of the page, write the exact date by which you want to manifest what’s on your vision board. You could choose to do a six-month, one-year or even a five-year vision board. Personally, I like to do all three. I sometimes find that people can struggle to know, and visualize, what they want their life to look like one year ahead yet they may feel much more able to visualize their life in five years’ time, or vice versa. So, if you are feeling a little stuck, remember: you can always choose a different timeline. 4. Get in the zone Before you start adding things to your board, make sure you are already embodying the feeling of your future self. Pause for a moment, take a few deep breaths and imagine yourself exactly six months, or one year or five years from now. Create a clear and vivid image in your mind as you ask yourself the following questions: ◦ How do I feel within myself? ◦ What kind of relationships surround me? ◦ What kind of home do I live in? ◦ What is my profession? ◦ What am I most proud of? ◦ What do I want to change in my life? ◦ What do I want to keep the same? As you answer these questions, allow yourself to be completely free in your dreams, desires and wants. Do not allow fear to hold back your imagination; instead, take your mind’s eye to the exact place that you want to be. Allow the image of your future self to really come to life as you sink into that visualization. 5. Separate your life into categoriesfn1 Split your vision board into six categories: ◦ Personal development (i.e. your personal growth/how you want to feel within yourself) ◦ Love and romance ◦ Career ◦ Friends and family ◦ House/home ◦ Hobbies/leisure 6. Design your life For each category, write down all the things that you want to manifest within it. If you are using cut-out images, such as an image of your dream house, stick them on to your vision board. I would try to have a minimum of three things for each category. but there is no limit on how many things you can add to your vision board. 7. Put it away After creating your vision board, put it away somewhere safe and set a reminder to come back to it on the date you wrote at the top. As the things on your vision board begin to manifest into your life and you begin to embody the person you have always wanted to be, your desires or goals may change or expand. As you grow, your dreams will grow, too. Go with the flow of it and be totally flexible with your visualizations. If you want to go back and add something to your vision board, or take something away, feel free to go and do that. Remember: you are the designer, curator and architect of your life and you always have the power to rearrange, alter and dictate how you want it to look. Knowing what you want is the first step of any manifesting process. But before I take you on to the next steps, there is something I want you to remember: To truly understand who we want to become and to begin that journey towards meeting our most empowered selves, we must first let go of the person we once were and the person we thought we should be. Our past is equally as responsible for getting us to where we are today as it is for holding us back from where we want to go. Many of us hold a subconscious assumption that we are unchangeable. How many times have you heard, or said, that phrase, ‘A leopard never changes its spots?’ This proverb literally tells us that it is impossible for someone to change. Or how many times have you said something along the lines of ‘I’ve just always been that way,’ or ‘That’s just who I am?’ While they might just seem like harmless expressions, they support an underlying belief that only one version of us can ever exist. This creates a lack of trust in our ability to transform, evolve and grow, which serves only to hold us back from doing so. But change is not only possible, it is inevitable. The person you were yesterday is not the person you are today or the person you will be tomorrow. So, as you go forward on your manifesting journey, throughout this book and beyond, I encourage you all to honour your daily transformation. With each new day, honour who you are and the person that you want to become without being constrained by your past. It’s OK to feel differently, it’s OK to want something different and it’s OK to become someone new. Lean into it and allow the magic of manifesting to propel you into becoming your highest self. WITH EACH SUNRISE, WE RISE INTO SOMEONE NEW. As you embark on your manifesting journey, take time to really consider what exactly you want the universe to bring to you, connecting to why you want it and how it will make you feel to have it. Be as specific as you can with your dreams, and if you can’t yet visualize a ‘thing’, then re-create a feeling. Practise regularly sinking into a visualization of your future self, allowing the feeling of it to change your vibe instantly, while simultaneously directing your brain to begin driving you towards reaching that goal. Then have fun with your dreams: create a vision board that represents your best life and allow it to become your reality as you continue uncovering my 7-step guide to manifesting. STEP 2 Remove Fear and Doubt ‘Fear and self-doubt have always been the greatest enemies of human potential.’ BRIAN TRACY The most important thing to understand about manifesting is this: you do not manifest from your conscious thoughts alone. You manifest from your subconscious beliefs about what you deserve. This means that you can only manifest what you truly believe you are worthy of attracting into your life. According to research, only 5 per cent of our cognitive activity is conscious, while the remaining 95 per cent is subconscious. That means that 95 per cent of our thoughts, reactions, decisions, perceptions and behavioural patterns are driven by the subconscious parts of our brains. When you consider this, it is easy to understand why our subconscious would then have such a profound influence over the reality we create. But while our subconscious has unlimited power to drive us towards our dreams, it also has the power to hold us back from them. This is because our subconscious is home to the two things that block any manifestation: fear and doubt. Fear and doubt come in the form of insecurities, limiting beliefs, feelings of unworthiness and a lack of trust in the universe’s ability to provide for us. Fear and doubt sabotage our manifesting abilities by subconsciously sending a message to the universe that we aren’t worthy enough, or ready, to receive the things that we desire. Fear and doubt are so powerful that they can prevent us from even imagining what we want: they literally create blocks for us at the very first step of our manifesting journey. Let me show you how: I would like you to take a minute to pause and visualize the exact income you wish to manifest in the next financial year. Write down the figure on a piece of paper now. When you look at this figure, can you honestly say that this is your dream salary? Or did you write down a figure you believed you could ‘realistically’ manifest? FEAR AND DOUBT OFTEN MASK THEMSELVES AS FRIENDS; THEY TELL YOU THEY’RE PROTECTING YOU FROM INEVITABLE DISAPPOINTMENT, WHEN IN REALITY THEY ARE ACTIVELY HOLDING YOU BACK FROM UNLOCKING THE ABUNDANCE OF THE UNIVERSE. Ask yourself now: when making your vision board in the previous step, did you stop yourself writing down some of your deepest desires because something within you told you that they’re unachievable and there was no point in adding them in? Your limiting beliefs can prevent you from even visualizing what you want from life by telling you that your dreams are simply out of the realm of possibility. A couple of months ago my best friend, Leah, came over because she wanted me to help her begin her manifesting journey. We lit candles, set the scene and I took her through a visualization meditation, then we laid out large sheets of coloured paper, magazines and marker pens and got started on making our vision boards. I could see her hesitating every few minutes, going to write something then stopping herself. I paused and asked her, ‘What are you not writing down?’ and she replied, ‘I just want to be realistic.’ When we shared our vision boards with each other after we had finished, I saw that she had crossed out ‘10 new clients’ and replaced it with ‘5 new clients’. When I asked her why she had done that she said it was because she didn’t want to put something down ‘in case it didn’t happen’. As she is my best friend and we talk endlessly about the things we want to achieve in our lives and the dreams we have, I could see that she had also completely avoided writing down some of her deepest desires. One thing was for sure: fear and doubt had a hold of her. I did the very same thing at the beginning of my own manifesting journey. It was New Year’s Eve and, unlike the previous ten years, I decided not to spend the night getting drunk and then struggle through the first day of the new year with a raging hangover, but instead to spend the evening at home, cooking my favourite meal and sitting down to make my vision boards – something that has now become my New Year’s Eve ritual. I had just begun creating my first-ever five-year vision board and I could feel so much resistance and self-doubt coming up as I was doing it. For example, I dreamed of being on stage delivering one of my self-development workshops to thousands of people. The reason for this? I want to empower as many people as I can to realize and see the infinite power they have within them to heal, evolve and live the very best version of their lives. I want to contribute, in any way I can, towards making self development as fashionable and mainstream as clothes are. That’s my purpose, my passion and my goal. When it came to it, though, I couldn’t bring myself to put it on my vision board. I was so embarrassed by the thought of writing it down and it not coming true that I denied myself the opportunity to even consider it was possible. My fear was trying to protect me from the threat of failure, but it was also preventing me from manifesting something I wanted. I realized that creating a vision board can do more than simply help you visualize what you want to manifest: it can give you an opportunity to understand your fears and doubts more clearly. Every time you hold yourself back from writing something on your vision board, ask yourself, ‘Why am I holding back? What limiting belief is driving that?’ By identifying your fears and doubts at this stage, you give yourself an opportunity to start to work on healing and removing them so that you can unblock your path to manifesting everything and anything that you want. When I came to create my next vision board, I challenged myself to write down every single dream I had, no matter how big or small, and I refused to let my insecurities stop me from doing so. WHEN WE GIVE OURSELVES FULL PERMISSION TO DREAM, OUR FEARS AND DOUBTS HAVE NOWHERE TO HIDE. Try this: If your previous vision board was limited by fear and doubt, go back and amend it now, or create a brand-new one that honestly represents all the things you really want. Before you do this, say to yourself, ‘If fear and doubt were no object, this is what I would like to manifest into my life.’ Put down every single thing that you want to attract. Dream big and don’t hold back. TO MANIFEST ANYTHING INTO YOUR LIFE, AND TO DO SO EFFORTLESSLY AND EFFECTIVELY, YOU MUST BELIEVE YOU ARE WORTHY OF HAVING IT. READ THAT AGAIN. For example, let’s imagine that you are an artist and you want to manifest successfully selling your artwork. You can visualize yourself displaying your art at a gallery you love, and you can imagine exactly how it will feel to sell your work, but if you don’t, deep down, believe that you are good enough or worthy of praise and celebration, then you will not be able to attract the opportunities for your work to be appreciated. We attract not just what we feel, but what we believe. You simply cannot manifest when fear and doubt stand in your way. So, to progress in any manifesting journey you must first identify and then work to remove the fear and doubt roadblocks. This is what I call inner work. This is self development in action. At this point, it is important to acknowledge that the inner work required to remove our fear and doubt is ongoing. Some of your limiting beliefs may be relatively easy to observe and let go of, while others may be more deep-rooted and require a great deal of attention, time and commitment to work through so that they no longer have the power to limit you. The majority of us have an endless list of limiting beliefs, insecurities and doubts that we have accumulated from our early childhoods through to where we are now. They plague our conscious and subconscious minds and block us from unlocking our greatest potential. This is why Step 2 on my 7-step guide to manifesting is one that you will keep coming back to again and again throughout your manifesting journey. FAQ: Q: What is a limiting belief? A: A belief is formed when a thought has been repeated so many times that it has become automatic. Our beliefs drive our behaviour, so when a belief that we have is holding us back in some way, it becomes a limiting belief. For example, if we grew up being told over and over again that we are unlovable, we will eventually believe it to be true and the way we behave will be informed by that belief system. This may mean that, later in life, we will accept being treated poorly by others or we will subconsciously seek out toxic relationships to support this self-limiting belief. Beliefs can be formed in childhood, adolescence and in adulthood. Before I go on, I would like to tell you a little story about my own relationship with fear and doubt. When I look back at my life before I discovered manifesting, I was drowning in insecurity. My self-loathing was debilitating and my lack of self-worth impacted on every area of my life. I was conscious of it at the time (my inner critic was far too loud to ever be ignored), but it all stemmed from a place deep within me: from my past experiences and from memories that lived within my subconscious. My own journey to removing fear and doubt was the most valuable and profound I have ever been on. It is a journey that is still ongoing, and I continue to work on this step every day. I have become acutely aware of my thoughts, and when fear and doubt begin to speak I take a moment to catch them, consider where they are coming from and then take immediate action to heal them, using some of the tools I’m going to take you through in a moment. One of the (many) limiting beliefs I held was this: I would never be successful in my own right. Growing up, I had always wanted to ensure that I would have financial stability in my life. Like many people, I wanted to feel comfortable in a home that I loved, and I didn’t want to have to worry about paying bills or providing for my children. But I grew up believing that in order for that to happen I would need a husband who could provide that for me. I told myself that I wasn’t capable enough, or intelligent enough, to become a successful and financially independent woman in my own right. Then, at the age of twenty-one, I fell madly, deeply, head over heels in love with someone twenty-five years older than me. I was completely besotted with him, and the two years we were together felt, at the time, like a fairy tale. He made me feel so safe and adored, and he imparted so much wisdom to me and taught me so much, which shaped the person I have become today. But he was also an incredibly successful, wealthy man and he provided me with a certain lifestyle that I would not otherwise have experienced at that point in my life. This reaffirmed my limiting belief that I needed someone else to support me. I began to place all my value and self worth in him and, when the relationship ended abruptly, I was devastatingly heartbroken and suffered a complete loss of identity. In truth, before I discovered manifesting, I used all my romantic relationships to make myself feel validated. In my mind, I was only ever as good as the man I was with and my self-worth was always directly related to the person I fell asleep beside. At the time, I was totally unaware that I was stuck in this pattern but, unsurprisingly, in all those years I made virtually no money myself. I was unable to secure jobs, and I had no direction, purpose or motivation. My own fears and doubts prevented me from manifesting any work or financial independence and from stepping into my own light. Shortly after I did discover manifesting, as I described earlier, I met Wade, the father of my child and now best friend. This time, I had met someone who was my equal and not someone I looked to for validation or someone who would enable me to escape my own world by bringing me into theirs. Instead, Wade offered me something so much more magical: unparalleled emotional support, unconditional love and the freedom to be completely and utterly myself. I believe that meeting Wade was one of the best things that ever happened to me, not just because of our beautiful son, but because I don’t think I would have been so driven and focused on building my own career to the place it is now without him by my side helping me to see that I was enough. As I began to manifest more and more, I finally realized that I was completely able to provide myself with all the financial stability and validation that I dreamed of. I didn’t need anyone else to provide it for me. I knew that the only things that had ever held me back from having it were fear and doubt. Fear that I wasn’t smart enough, worthy enough or good enough, and a subconscious doubt, influenced by both my upbringing and the media, that it was possible for a woman to carve out a successful career for herself. I worked through each fear and doubt and committed to healing it. Between 2018 and 2020, my income increased tenfold. Now, as I write this, I am proud to say that I have provided myself with all the financial stability I dreamed of as a child. I can take my son on holiday, I can pay my bills without worrying and I can spoil the people I love most. The power was always within me, I just had to unlock it first. IDENTIFY FEAR AND DOUBT When you look at all the things that you want to attract into your life, you must first commit to being open and honest with yourself in order to recognize what fears and doubts you currently have about being able to manifest them. Start by asking yourself some questions: ◦ Do I really believe I am worthy of it? ◦ Do I really trust that I would be able to handle it? ◦ Do I really believe it is possible for me? ◦ What insecurities do I currently have surrounding this? ◦ What limiting beliefs are holding me back? I invite you now to take a moment to think about just one thing that you want to manifest. See it clearly in your mind’s eye and then spend a few minutes trying to identify what fears and doubts come into your mind when you think about really having it. Try to identify as many as you can and write them down in the space below. Note: However quiet the inner voice is that keeps you from fully believing in yourself, bring it to light and write it down. Even if your thoughts feel irrational or unreasonable, write them down. Acknowledging each detail of your fear and doubt will only empower you to let it go. What do I want to manifest? What fears and doubts do I have around this? Take a look at the fears and doubts you have just identified and understand this: it is these limiting beliefs and insecurities that are currently holding you back from living your best life. The more aware you become of them, the less power they hold over you. Awareness is always the starting point for any self development journey. Simply by completing that exercise and identifying your limiting beliefs, you have already begun the process of healing them. I suggest that you repeat this exercise for every single thing that you want to manifest, or at any point when you feel stuck in your manifestation to help you recognize your current blocks. Become a mindful observer of your day-to-day thoughts and when the voices of insecurity begin to speak, take note. The more easily you are able to identify them, the more quickly you will be able to let them go. REMOVE FEAR AND DOUBT Removing fear and doubt is self-development in action. This is the work we commit to every single day: to remove limiting beliefs, to realize our worth, to unlock our potential and to rediscover the inner confidence we were born with. This is the inner work we commit to so that we can successfully manifest the life of our dreams. This is the work we do so that we can live a life that is not limited by our own insecurities but flourishes with the power of the universe. So how do we do it? There are endless ways that we can begin to heal fear and doubt, but here are four I’ve found particularly powerful that I want to share with you: 1. Master your thoughts 2. Watch your language 3. Use mantras 4. Practise visualization Note: For some of you reading this, your fear and doubt may have stemmed from trauma or it may feel too overwhelming to begin to work through it alone. If this is the case, working with a therapist, holistic healer, psychiatrist, counsellor or other mental health professional can be a necessary and valuable investment to help you heal and work towards removing the fear and doubt, alongside the suggestions below. 1. Master your thoughts I began this chapter with an important lesson: we do not manifest from our conscious thoughts alone but from our subconscious beliefs about what we deserve. While this is true, we must not underestimate the power of our thoughts and the influence they continuously have over our subconscious. THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND OBEYS THE CONSCIOUS MIND, SO WHATEVER WE CONSCIOUSLY THINK OUR SUBCONSCIOUS WILL PERCEIVE TO BE TRUE. How do you talk about yourself to yourself? Most of us have a voice inside our head that will speak to us in pretty unkind ways. It will tell us we are unworthy, unlovable, stupid, disgusting, boring and any other disempowering characteristics it can think of. This voice is the expression of our fears and doubts. In my webinars, I do an exercise where I ask everyone to say something kind to themselves; for example, I will encourage them to repeat, inside their heads or out loud, ‘I am wonderful, I am beautiful, the people in my life are so lucky to have me, I am perfect exactly as I am, I love myself.’ Afterwards, I ask them to tell me how it felt to do that. Every time, the majority will say that they felt silly and uncomfortable speaking to themselves in that way, even when no one else could hear them. I then ask them to say something like ‘I am worthless, I am never enough,’ and ask them how that felt. Too easy, they tell me. I do this short exercise to demonstrate just how natural and effortless it feels for us to speak to ourselves in limiting ways, and how unnatural and challenging it feels to speak to ourselves with love and respect. I can relate to them; I spent two decades looking in the mirror saying things like ‘You’re hideous, you’re a loser, you’re miserable, you’ll never be enough.’ I spent every single day berating myself for simply being me, and my inner voice was constantly feeding my devastatingly low self-esteem. I gave my insecurity a voice, and with that voice it grew. There came a point, though, when I was simply exhausted by it all and I just didn’t have the energy to inflict that verbal abuse on myself any longer. Perhaps some of you reading this now are feeling exactly like that, too. I realized that I was never going to be able to step into my fullest power and unlock the life of my dreams if I continued speaking to myself in this way. I made a choice to start showing up for myself and to become my own cheerleader. I did it even though it didn’t feel comfortable. I said kind and loving things to myself because I knew my subconscious would hear it and believe it to be true, even if I didn’t. Once I started to choose thoughts that supported me and empowered me, I began to feel an internal shift in my confidence. If I could sense I was about to voice something negative or limiting, I would catch myself and instead say something like ‘You are doing a great job. You can achieve anything you put your mind to. You are strong. You can do this. It’s OK.’ I knew that every time I used the power of my thoughts in this way I was boosting my manifesting power. Within a month, I noticed that this was beginning to feel natural, and within two months it had become the leading inner voice. I really started to believe the things I was saying, and I meant it when I said to myself, ‘You got this!’ or ‘You should be so proud of yourself.’ I mastered my thoughts to override the fear and doubt. I urge you all to become your own cheerleaders, too. IF WE KNOW THAT OUR SUBCONSCIOUS IS DRIVING US TO OUR MANIFESTATION, THEN WE MUST USE OUR CONSCIOUS MINDS TO INFLUENCE OUR SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEFS. WE MUST FEED OUR SUBCONSCIOUS WITH EMPOWERING THOUGHTS TO INCREASE OUR SELF WORTH AND BOOST OUR MANIFESTING POWER. Our thoughts shape our reality in another way, too. Remember, in the introduction, I explained that thoughts generate emotions and that different emotions have different vibrational frequencies. This means that if we can master our thoughts, we can change our emotional state, and if we change our emotional state, we can change our vibration. If we change our vibration, we change our reality. So, when we consciously choose to think positive and empowering thoughts that trigger high-vibe emotions (such as confidence, enthusiasm and hope), we will attract more abundance into our lives through the law of attraction. However, if we allow fear and doubt to express themselves continuously as a negative voice or an inner critic, they will lower our self-worth, trigger low-vibe emotions (such as fear, shame, despair or worry) and block our manifestations. We can only have one thought at a time. I remember hearing that for the first time and wondering why something so obvious had never occurred to me before. If we can only have one thought at a time, then, surely, we can just choose to replace a negative thought with a positive one, right? The answer is yes. But we are creatures of habit not just in what we do but also in the way that we think. The National Science Foundation, an independent health agency based in the US, found that we have, on average, up to 60,000 thoughts a day. Of those, approximately 80 per cent are negative and over 90 per cent are repetitive. To begin to undo repetitive, negative and limiting ways of thinking, we must commit to consistent practice and repeatedly choose to nourish our mind by replacing the negative thoughts with empowering ones. Commit to it in just the same way you would commit to forming any other new habit. Each time you find yourself thinking, ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’, ask yourself, ‘What if it does?’ Instead of saying, ‘I’m not good enough,’ say, ‘I am perfect exactly as I am.’ Instead of imagining the worst possible outcome, imagine the best. Remember that you have the gift of choice, so choose a thought that pushes you forward rather than one that holds you back. DO NOT ALLOW NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TO ROAM FREE, UNREGULATED AND UNMANAGED. TAKE OWNERSHIP OF THEM AND START TO PRACTISE MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS SO THAT THEY CAN WORK FOR YOU, RATHER THAN AGAINST YOU. As well as replacing thoughts, we can also work towards removing our fear and doubt by reframing our perspective. No matter what we experience, we always have an opportunity to choose which lens we view it through. The perspective we tend to choose is usually dictated by our general mood, our expectations, our past experiences, our belief systems and our self-worth. This is why two people can experience the exact same situation but perceive it in very different ways. For example, have you ever been at a restaurant with a friend and when you leave one of you says that it was a perfect evening, while the other felt the restaurant was too loud, the food was average and the staff were inattentive? Or have you ever read an email from a colleague when you were in a bad mood and felt personally attacked and completely infuriated by them, only to re-read it the next day and realize that you had totally misinterpreted their tone? Our perspective is informed by many external factors, but we always have the power to choose one that will serve us best. In fact, reframing my perspective is the technique I use most frequently to overcome any fear or doubt that creeps in throughout the day. Whenever I sense myself starting to worry or doubt something, I pause and see if I could offer myself a new perspective. For example, I called my sister just last week to tell her how disappointed and upset I was that an article I had written had not been published. My inner critic was trying to convince me that it was because my work wasn’t good enough and that the editor had decided she didn’t want me writing for their publication any more. After voicing this out loud, I remembered that I had the opportunity to choose a different perspective. Instead, I chose to focus my thoughts on how proud I was to have written the article and how grateful I was to be asked at all. I came up with three alternative scenarios as to why the article had not yet been published, none of which had anything to do with me: the editor hadn’t seen the email; they had other articles they needed to publish first; they had decided to take a different direction with the piece. In a matter of minutes, I moved away from my negative perspective and embraced a more liberating one. My article was published the very next morning. When you see that you are interpreting a situation from a place of fear and doubt, ask yourself, ‘What is another perspective I could choose? How could I reframe my thinking here?’ For example, if you go on a date with someone and the next day you don’t hear from them, you have a choice of what perspective you can take. If you allow your fear and doubt to dictate your perspective, you might start to question what you did or said wrong, you might decide that this is further evidence that you will never meet the right person for you and you may allow it to stop you from opening yourself up to future dating opportunities out of fear of feeling rejected again. However, if you adopt a more empowering perspective, you might choose to consider that perhaps the other person is not in a place in their lives to meet someone right now, that the two of you just weren’t the right fit, and you would still feel excited about the journey to meeting your soulmate. REMEMBER: WE MANIFEST WHAT WE BELIEVE WE ARE WORTHY OF. Start to become aware of your thoughts, then choose to replace those expressions of fear and doubt with thoughts and perspectives that will raise your self-worth and self-belief. 2. Watch your language The language we use both internally and aloud feeds directly into our subconscious. As with our thoughts, if the language we use is unregulated, it will work against us by fuelling our fears and doubts. There are a few easy ways to use language to help you manifest more effectively: Remove the word ‘if’ and replace it with ‘when’ When people talk about the things they want to manifest or the goals they want to reach, they often use the word ‘if’, for example, ‘If I get that job …’ or ‘If I meet someone …’ The word ‘if’ says to the universe, ‘I don’t really know, or trust, that this will actually happen.’ The doubt is highlighted in the ‘if’, and you cannot manifest from a place of doubt. From now on, I ask that you never use the word ‘if’ again. Instead, say ‘when’, for example, ‘When I get my new job …’ or ‘When I meet my perfect partner …’ When you talk about your future using language that reflects certainty, your subconscious will respond by directing everything towards you reaching that goal. Talk about what you do want, not what you don’t If you were to tell me now about something that you really don’t want to happen, you would have to first imagine what it would feel like if it did happen. So, when we speak about something we don’t want, our subconscious still mentally and emotionally experiences it. As we now know, this will change our vibration to that of the imagined, unwanted experience and that is what we will then attract. So, the more we discuss what we don’t want, the more it will show up for us. Instead, simply describe what you do want. For example, instead of saying, ‘I really don’t want to be in debt any more,’ say, ‘I want financial freedom.’ Or, instead of saying, ‘I hate being single,’ say ‘I am excited to be in a healthy, loving relationship when the time is right.’ Use your awareness to ensure that rather than expressing what you fear might happen or hope won’t happen, you focus your energy on the things you do want in your life so that you can bring them into your reality. Make mindful swaps There is language that empowers us, and there is language that limits us. And the language we use matters. When we become more aware of the language we are using, we can implement some simple yet effective language swaps to help boost our manifesting power. For example, every time you find yourself saying, ‘I can’t do this,’ or ‘It’s too hard,’ you might choose, instead, to say, ‘I will find a way to do this.’ Remember that your subconscious mind, the place that you manifest from, is obeying your conscious mind and listening to the language that you use. I had a client who really struggled with public speaking. He said that every week, when the team meeting began on Monday morning, his palms would get sweaty and he would feel hot and flustered at the thought of having to give his pitch. It was interfering with his weekends because the anticipation of it was becoming so overwhelming. Within our conversations he kept using phrases such as ‘I hate public speaking,’ or ‘I am so inarticulate,’ or ‘I am rubbish in team meetings.’ He was feeding his fears with this limiting language, but this way of speaking had become so automatic that he wasn’t even aware of it. I encouraged him to spend the next week becoming conscious of whenever he was about to use one of these phrases, and instead say to himself, ‘I love being able to share my ideas with others,’ or ‘I am grateful to be part of a team who listen to what I have to say,’ or ‘I am a really confident speaker.’ I reminded him that it was OK if it felt a little uncomfortable to say these things, but to really commit to doing it anyway. When the next Monday team meeting came around, he told me that although his voice was shaking for the first few seconds, he managed to finish his pitch without stumbling over his words the way he usually did. I could see how proud he was of himself as he told me the story, and I felt so proud of him, too. The following week, he did it again, and the week after that he told me, in his own words, that he was so looking forward to the meeting on Monday to share something new with the team. By changing the language he used he was able to override his fear and doubt and increase his self-esteem surrounding public speaking. When we change our language, we change our experiences. Here are some examples of simple language swaps that you can use: Low vibe/low self esteem High vibe/high self-esteem I can’t do it. I can do anything I put my mind to. I will never succeed. I will do my best and that is enough. I don’t know how. I can ask for help to understand how. I am not good enough. I am capable of anything. It won’t work out. Everything will work out exactly as it is supposed to. I’m afraid of failing. I am excited to try. Become aware of the language you use and make mindful swaps wherever possible to keep feeding your subconscious with nourishing thoughts that will boost your self-worth, self-belief and ability to attract abundance into your life. Accept compliments Many of us grew up believing that speaking confidently about ourselves would make us seem arrogant, vain or boastful. So, we embraced the use of self-deprecating language and learned to put ourselves down in an attempt to be more likeable. Take a second to think about all the times someone has paid you a compliment or congratulated you on your achievements: how many times did you respond with denial, objection or by playing down your success? This has become such a natural way to respond to compliments, but it is doing more damage to your self-esteem than you might think. When a friend says to you, ‘Wow, you look really glowing and radiant today,’ and you respond with ‘Urgh, no, I look awful,’ you send a message to your subconscious that you do indeed look awful. Little by little, as we dismiss and reject the compliments and praise we receive from others, we subtly chip away at our own self-worth. From now, commit to practising a greater level of openness and gratitude when someone pays you a compliment. Take a moment to really hear what they have said and respond instead with nothing but those two magical words: ‘Thank you.’ When we open ourselves up to receiving expressions of love or praise from other people, we simultaneously begin to shift our subconscious beliefs about what we deserve. This is such a simple and effective change to make, and it’s one that I absolutely love. 3. Use mantras A mantra is a word, phrase or sound that you can repeat out loud or in your head at any time, to help gain awareness, release stress and to raise your vibration. When I discuss the use of mantras in the context of manifesting, I am referring to using a positive affirming phrase such as ‘I am worthy.’ We can use mantras to send positive messages to our subconscious minds and to replace a negative thought. For example, if your fear and doubt was beginning to voice itself as something like ‘You are not good enough,’ you can replace the thought with a mantra such as ‘I am perfect exactly as I am.’ When we begin to incorporate mantras into our daily routine, for example by repeating them every morning or every night before bed, we can begin to reprogramme our subconscious mind by regularly feeding it with positive and empowering language. Mantras are one of my all-time favourite self-development tools and incorporating them into my life has been an integral part of my own manifesting journey. Whenever I repeat a mantra out loud or inside my head I instantly feel more centred and empowered. When I first started using mantras, though, I found the experience really confronting. I felt both silly and embarrassed to be saying to myself, ‘I am worthy,’ when, at that time, I didn’t feel worthy at all. But I committed to the practice anyway because I knew that it was shifting something at a deeper level, the subconscious level, the level from which we manifest. Within a couple of days of repeating these affirming statements every morning when I woke up, I was finding myself saying them more easily and without that awkward and uncomfortable feeling. Within a week, I was really able to focus my attention on the words I was saying and feel my whole energy shift with it. Now, I never go a day without repeating a mantra to myself. I always repeat a couple of mantras to myself in the morning to start my day in the best possible way, and any time I need an energetic boost, too. Try this: Write down a mantra somewhere you will see it every day, for example, as your phone screensaver or a note on your bathroom mirror. Whenever you see it, repeat it to yourself five times. I like to change my mantra once a week so that I give each one enough time to really let the message sink into my subconscious. Here are some mantra ideas to get you started. Choose one or two a week and repeat it five times every morning and every evening. As you read them now, repeat them to yourself slowly a couple of times and see for yourself just how quickly you can shift your energy. ◦ I love the person that I am today. ◦ I have limitless potential. ◦ I am grateful for all that I have. ◦ I love my life. ◦ I feel calm and at peace. ◦ I radiate vitality and energy. ◦ I have infinite power to manifest anything I desire. ◦ I am consistently attracting abundance into my life. One way that we can use mantras to reprogramme our subconscious beliefs is to listen to a positive affirmations track. A positive affirmations track is an extended audio track that repeats a number of mantras in a loop, usually over meditative music. I recommend this tool to absolutely everyone I work with because affirmations are so powerful and so effective in helping us with our manifesting journeys. How do they work? Well, our subconscious is most susceptible to positive messaging at three significant points of the day: as we fall asleep, as we wake up and when we are in a meditative state. This is because at these times our brain is operating between the frequencies of alpha and theta brain waves, the optimum frequency for visualization, creativity and learning. Listening to a positive affirmations track at these specific times will allow your subconscious to most effectively absorb the positive messaging, and when you do this repeatedly, it forms new neural pathways in the brain that support a more empowered, and therefore magnetic, mindset. It will also help to overwrite any negative and limiting beliefs driven by fear and doubt. I began using positive affirmations at the very beginning of my manifesting journey, listening to them as I was falling asleep, and I still, three years on, fall asleep to them every single night. I first listened to tracks that I found on YouTube; I just typed in ‘affirmation tracks’ and chose the one that I connected with most. Now, though, I use tracks that I created myself, which are all available on my website (www.roxienafousi.com). Once you find one you like, I recommend sticking with it for a while: our minds become conditioned to a particular track, so as soon as you press play your brain will know that now it’s time to relax and you can sink more quickly into that susceptible, meditative state. If you are working towards manifesting a specific goal, then I suggest listening to an affirmations track focused around that goal. For example, if you are wanting to manifest a promotion, then I suggest listening to a career-focused affirmations track every night for two weeks. Similarly, if you are wanting to manifest your soulmate, then perhaps choose a self-love or relationships-focused affirmation track. 4. Practise visualization We used visualization in Step 1: Be Clear in Your Vision (see page 9), and we can use it again now as a tool to help us remove fear and doubt. Here is a simple visualization for you to try: THE EVAPORATING BALL VISUALIZATION Close your eyes and take a deep inhalation and a full exhalation, noticing the rise and fall of your belly. Inhale for the count of four and exhale for the count of four. Repeat this deep breathing until you notice that your mind is beginning to quieten and your body to relax. Once you have reached a place of relaxation, use your mind’s eye to visualize your fear and doubt. See all the fear-driven thoughts, feelings and emotions collected together as a ball of dark matter. Imagine all your insecurities, worries and limiting beliefs joining it, making this ball bigger and bigger. See it clearly in front of you, a representation of everything that is holding you back from your fullest power. Now, with each inhalation, imagine a bright line shining through you, overpowering the darkness. With each exhalation, visualize this ball of fear getting smaller and smaller. Repeat this until the ball of dark matter, the ball of fear and doubt, has evaporated into nothing. Then, gently, open your eyes. I love this visualization technique because you can use it any time and anywhere. Even if a little niggle of doubt comes into your mind, you can simply close your eyes and imagine yourself removing it with the power of your breath. This technique is particularly useful for anyone who feels exceptionally overwhelmed by their inner voice and finds mastering their thoughts, or using mantras, to be too overwhelming to begin with. I had one client who was newly married and was really struggling to find her voice in her relationship. She felt constantly undervalued and unappreciated and felt that she wasn’t getting the emotional support she needed. Even though she knew this, her inner critic was so loud that it stopped her from being able to communicate what she needed and deserved from her partner and it was taking a toll on her mental health. She came to me for help with releasing some of her limiting beliefs surrounding love and relationships and with making her feel more confident within her marriage. But I could see, soon into our first session, that her inner critic was so overbearing that asking her to replace her limiting thoughts with empowering ones was going to feel really daunting and unmanageable for her. So instead I asked her to try this visualization technique and to repeat it every day for two weeks. By the end of the fourteen days she had managed to take enough power away from the fear and doubt to be able to start incorporating some of the other tools, too, such as using mantras and switching her language. Within six weeks, she had begun to find, and use, her voice; she was finally communicating her needs to her partner in a healthy way and was feeling much more empowered within herself and in her relationship. We can use visualization to remove fear and doubt in another way, too. Just as we can use our thoughts to reframe our perspectives, we can use visualization to reimagine the scenarios we play in our minds. How often do you find yourself playing out worst-case scenarios in your head? Or imagining your worst fears coming true? When we repeatedly play out these scenes in our minds, we lower our vibe and feed into our worries, insecurities and doubts. You can use the power of visualization to simply reimagine the scenes you are watching in your mind and choose to see the best possible outcome playing out instead; it’s a bit like changing the channel on TV. For example, let’s say you want to manifest getting into your dream university, if your fear and doubt is creating scenarios in your mind of you failing the exams you need to pass to get in or receiving a letter with bad news, then change the channel. Visualize yourself passing the exam and receiving the good news you’ve been waiting for and really imagine how you will feel in that moment. Keep replaying the ideal outcome in your head over and over again. Visualizations are a firm fixture in your manifesting toolbox; you can use them to be clear in your vision, to help remove fear and doubt, to imagine yourself in best-case scenarios and to raise your vibe. OUR MINDS HAVE INCREDIBLE POWER; THEY ARE BOTH THE CAUSE AND THE CURE OF OUR FEAR AND DOUBT. Fear and doubt are the words I use to describe the culmination of everything that feeds into our low self-worth, our insecurities and the limiting beliefs that block us from turning our dreams into reality. As I mentioned earlier, removing your fear and doubt is an ongoing process, and it is the one that I always remind people to keep coming back to. When you find yourself blocked on any manifestation, the first thing to do is ask yourself what fears and doubts are still surrounding your ability to call it in. It is worth me adding here that this is probably the most challenging step of all: it requires us to be vulnerable and to look back at all the experiences and memories that may have contributed to creating these blocks in the first place. But with great effort comes great reward and, once you have begun to remove these blocks, you will clear the pathway to receiving the infinite abundance that the universe is waiting to provide you with. The four tools in this chapter are just some of the tools you can use day to day, but I encourage you to explore any other self-development practices that help you on your journey to raising your self-worth. We are now going to move on to perhaps the most powerful way that we can combat fear and doubt; it is something that will permeate each and every step in the manifesting process: cultivating self-love. CULTIVATE AND PRACTISE SELF-LOVE SELF-LOVE IS THE DRIVING FORCE BEHIND MANIFESTING. When I began writing this book, I kept trying to figure out where I should speak about self-love. It isn’t a step in itself, but whenever I tried to fit it into one of the other steps, I couldn’t help but feel that I wasn’t giving it the attention it deserved. I realized that self-love needed a section all of its own, because self-love is more than a step in the process: it is the foundation upon which all the other steps are built. Once you begin to cultivate and practise self-love, your ability to manifest will become infinitely more powerful. Self-love empowers you to step into your light, to step into your greatness and to open up space for abundance to enter your life. Self-love tells the universe, ‘I am worthy of love, I deserve success, I am ready to live my dreams,’ and then, this is what you shall receive. When we love ourselves, we embrace all that we truly are. When we love ourselves, we rise above fears, doubts, insecurities and limiting beliefs and we unlock our fullest potential. There is no greater gift we can give ourselves than the gift of unconditional self-love. Without self-love, you cannot manifest. There is no point in creating a vision board and talking about the life of your dreams if, day to day, you still treat yourself with disrespect. So, how do you begin to cultivate self-love so that you can unlock your fullest manifesting power? Well, first, I should clarify what self-love really means: Self-love means truly valuing your own wellbeing and happiness. Self-love means showing up for yourself and championing yourself. Self-love means letting go of judgement, regret and negative self-talk. Self-love means embracing the most authentic version of yourself. Self-love means offering yourself the same level of kindness, patience and forgiveness that you offer so freely to others. There are a million ways we can practise self-love: we can make a conscious effort to practise and demonstrate more self-care, more self-respect, more self-discipline. We can create healthy boundaries, we can let go of things that no longer serve us, we can be mindful of the way in which we speak to ourselves. To practise self-love, we can fuel our minds, bodies and souls with nourishing food, thoughts and ideas. We can start saying no to the things we don’t want to do. We can do more of the things that make us happy. We can practise meditation, we can journal, we can exercise, we can look after our skin, we can prioritize sleep, we can drink more water. We can offer ourselves more compassion and kindness. We can offer ourselves space to explore all the parts of us that make us unique. We can speak to ourselves in ways that are kind, encouraging and supportive. There are countless ways we can practise self-love – in fact, I could write an entire book on it. But really, for me, cultivating self-love comes down to one thing: becoming aware of the choices we have and the decisions we make in each and every moment. Every minute of every day we have an opportunity to practise and cultivate self-love. Every minute of every day we have to make a choice: do I choose to act in a way that is self-loving or in a way that is not? How you spend your time, what thoughts you choose to attach to, what perspective you choose to adopt, who you surround yourself with, what decisions you make, what behaviour you accept from others, how you govern yourself, what commitments you make, how you feed, fuel, nourish and move your body … all of this matters. It all reflects your commitment to yourself, your wellbeing and your capacity for self-love. And it is that very commitment to yourself that shows the universe what you believe you are worthy of. Remember: we manifest from our subconscious beliefs about what we deserve. BEGIN TO CULTIVATE SELF-LOVE To start making decisions that will lead us to cultivate self-love, we must do three things. 1. Become aware and mindful We can’t make mindful choices if we aren’t first aware of the choices available to us. We have to start taking time to pause and ask ourselves, ‘Is there another way I could do this: a way that is more loving and more compassionate?’ For example, if you’ve been trapped in the diet cycle for years and you find yourself cutting out food groups, skipping meals or obsessing over some new fad diet, then take a moment to consider whether this is really a compassionate and self-loving way to act, or whether there is another way you could choose to treat your body and approach your relationship with food? Could you stop skipping meals and attaching guilt to your food choices and work to replace those behaviour patterns with mindful and intuitive eating principles, for example? Or, if you watch the news first thing every morning and you find it always leaves you feeling frustrated, sad or anxious, ask yourself, ‘Is this really helping me start my day in the best possible way? Could I make a more self-loving choice? Could I choose to start my day listening to music, journaling or incorporating a ten-minute yoga flow instead?’ 2. Honour where you are What we need day to day, moment to moment, is always going to change. Some days, we wake up and we feel ready to take on the world. Other days, we feel tired, flat and overwhelmed. Self-love means honouring yourself in each moment and making decisions that reflect how you are feeling at that time. Get into the habit of checking in with yourself, and asking, ‘Where am I at today? How do I feel and what do I need?’ Imagine there is a scale of 1–10, 1 being at your lowest, and 10 being high-vibe superhero. What you need will differ depending on where you sit on that scale. If you’re at a 3, let’s say, then what you will need will likely be permission to rest, nourishing food and fresh air. But if you’re at a 9, then you need to go ahead and use that energy to make choices that will propel you closer to your manifestation: get creative, be productive and move your body! Don Miguel Ruiz wrote an incredible book called The Four Agreements. I recommend it to everyone, and one of the agreements is this: Always do your best. He writes, ‘Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick, under any circumstance simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.’ Self-love means giving yourself the space to be human, to acknowledge that we all feel differently day to day and to give yourself what you need, taking that into account. 3. Honour where you want to be tomorrow Our lives are really just a culmination of the choices we make. When we act in ways that are self-loving, we honour not just what we need in the moment but also where we want to be tomorrow. So often, we make impulse decisions that satisfy us in the moment but negatively impact on our future selves. Anyone who has ever self-sabotaged (which I’ll assume is every one of you reading this) will know what I mean. But self-love is taking authority over that drive for instant satisfaction and instead making choices that will serve your future self. For example, if you have a deadline for tomorrow and you choose instead to go out, or procrastinate by scrolling through Instagram, you are simply sabotaging what your future self needs. By making the choice to apply self-discipline and focus on meeting the deadline, however, you will have made a decision that honours what your future self needs and deserves: that is practising self-love. THE ULTIMATE PRACTICE OF SELF-LOVE IS PERFECTLY BALANCING WHAT YOU NEED TODAY WITH WHAT YOUR FUTURE SELF NEEDS TOMORROW. Self-love manifests itself in every decision we make. Each and every day, commit to finding more ways to show up for yourself and demonstrate the compassion and love for yourself that you deserve. Keep doing this until it becomes the automatic way you govern your life. Keep practising until your cup is so full of self-love that it pours out to everything and everyone around you. FORGIVENESS AND NON-JUDGEMENT I couldn’t talk about self-love without talking about forgiveness and non-judgement. How many times have you made a mistake or acted in ways you weren’t proud of and then berated yourself for days, weeks or maybe years? When we hold on to shame, guilt, anger and resentment, we keep ourselves trapped in the past. We hold on to the energy of those experiences, which keeps our vibration low and holds us back from all that we want to manifest. A client I began working with at the start of 2020 told me, ‘I want to manifest it all’: a new job, a new apartment, a feeling of true confidence and her soulmate. Within six months, everything she had wanted to manifest had come to her except for her soulmate. I started to ask her a little more about her past relationships and she revealed that she had been cheated on by her last two partners. She said that she had mostly ‘blocked out the experience’ but that, deep down, she still blamed herself for ‘allowing’ it to happen, and she constantly questioned whether she had somehow pushed them to cheat in the first place. She also said that she felt embarrassed that, as a successful career woman, she had not been able to see the signs right in front of her. By attempting to block out the experience, she was not allowing herself to process all of her feelings surrounding it or to change the narrative of self-blame she had attached to the experience. Remember that trauma, pain and emotional distress are all energy; when they are not given the time and attention they need to be moved, released and healed, they live within our physical body. This means that when we try to ‘block out’ our past experiences, they have nowhere to go, so they stay within us, lowering our vibration and keeping us trapped in the past. My client’s experience was affecting her in another way, too: by blaming herself, she was creating a subconscious fear that history would inevitably repeat itself. It was only when we worked together to create a safe space to process the experience, to remove self judgement and blame, to choose a new perspective and instead for her to offer herself complete compassion and non-judgement that she was able to remove her deeper, subconscious fears around meeting someone. I also encouraged her to work with one of my favourite mantras – ‘My past does not dictate my future’ – as a reminder that she has the power to change her future story. In doing the inner work, she was able to create room for her soulmate to enter her life. I received an email from her just recently and the subject line read, ‘I met THE ONE!’ To unblock the path that leads us to our most magnificent future, we must let go of the parts of our past that cause us to feel those low vibe emotions of shame, guilt or anger and instead offer ourselves complete non-judgement and forgiveness. To do this, we must acknowledge these three truths: 1. We were doing our best at the time. 2. There is always a valuable lesson to take from any and every experience. 3. We are not the same person we were then: we have since grown, evolved and matured. EXERCISE I want you to think of something now that you are holding on to, something you are judging yourself for. Write down the experience you feel shame, guilt or anger around. Now write a letter to your past self. Offer yourself compassion and kindness, and acknowledge and identify whether your actions were driven by pain or insecurity. You might write something such as ‘I forgive you; you were doing your best, I know you were hurting at the time, it’s OK, I love you.’ Now write down the lessons you learned from the experience and the value you have taken from it. Repeat this exercise for anything you are still holding on to. Note: Every time I have done this exercise in a workshop with others there has been a release of emotions and tears. If you find yourself crying or feeling particularly emotional while doing this, please allow space for that and allow yourself to feel liberated in doing so. THE TRUTH IS THIS: BY LEARNING FROM YOUR MISTAKES AND EXPERIENCES AND BY EVOLVING THROUGH THEM YOU PRACTISE THE GREATEST FORM OF SELF-LOVE, WHICH IS TO GROW. READ THAT AGAIN. Self-love is the driving force behind manifesting so we must cultivate it every day, through consistent practice and commitment. We must make choices to behave, to respond and to think in ways that build our self-worth and propel us into becoming our most powerful selves. We must offer ourselves non-judgement, compassion, forgiveness and kindness every day and in everything that we do. No act of self-love is too great or too small. From drinking a glass of water to leaving a toxic relationship, everything we do defines who we are and who we become. Note: I understand that, for some people, the idea of ‘cultivating self-love’ may seem incredibly daunting, especially if low self-worth and self-esteem currently seem to limit you at every turn. You may be thinking, ‘Sure, it sounds easy in theory, but how do I suddenly just act like I love myself?’ I understand your reservations; I was so consumed by my self-loathing my entire life, I never thought it would be possible to reach a place where I could honestly say that I love who I am. When people said the word ‘self-love’, I would roll my eyes as though it was some imaginary concept that would never be within reach. But with time, practice and commitment I did reach it. And so can you. Undoing years, or decades, of built-up insecurities, limiting beliefs and low self-esteem is not something that can be done overnight. But we can make the decision to begin making more loving choices right now. The decision to commit to self-love is half the battle. Then it is about choosing, each day and each moment, to cultivate more self-love in your life, little by little, because that is what you deserve. The more you do it, the easier it will become and the more natural it will feel. While we cultivate self-love, we simultaneously work through the other steps in the manifesting process. STEP 3 Align Your Behaviour ALIGNING YOUR BEHAVIOUR MEANS SHOWING THE UNIVERSE, IN ACTION, WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE. THIS IS BECAUSE THE WAY WE BEHAVE IS A DIRECT REFLECTION OF OUR SELF-WORTH. Aligning your behaviour means being proactive in your manifesting journey. Aligning your behaviour means being the energy you want to attract. Aligning your behaviour means stepping outside your comfort zone. Aligning your behaviour means aligning with your most authentic self because that self is the most magnetic version of you that exists. This is the step that really differentiates the law of attraction from manifesting. The law of attraction says that what you think about most, you will attract into your life. But this can imply that there is a passiveness to the process. Manifestation is not passive: you cannot just be clear in your vision and then wait for it to appear. To step into your power and to really shift your energy to attract the abundance you deserve, you must start behaving in a way that is aligned with the most empowered version of yourself and not the version of you that has been limited by fear and doubt. BE PROACTIVE IN YOUR MANIFESTATION TO EFFECTIVELY MANIFEST, YOU MUST BE CLEAR IN YOUR VISION, KNOW THAT YOU ARE WORTHY OF IT AND THEN YOU MUST BE PROACTIVE IN MAKING IT HAPPEN. For example, let’s imagine you want to manifest a house in the countryside for you and your family. You must have a clear vision of the house, remove any fears or doubts surrounding it, trust that you are worthy of it and then you must be proactive in your search, for example by looking at property websites, speaking to estate agents or visiting the area to see if any houses are for sale. Similarly, if you wanted to manifest passing an exam, then you would need to be clear in your vision and then be proactive by committing time and energy to your revision and studies. No matter what you want to manifest, there will be an element of ‘doing’ that is needed. It is one of the biggest manifesting misconceptions that we can just visualize what we want and then expect it to show up for us without any effort required. I can certainly say that when manifesting my own career milestones, I did so only with the help of hard work, determination, persistence, self-discipline and motivation. Being proactive requires fearlessness, a fearlessness that shows the universe ‘I am worthy, I am deserving, and I am ready.’ Think about this: how many times have you intentionally avoided being proactive because the fear of failure overwhelmed you? I was speaking with a new client last month who told me about an idea she’d had to host a supper club. She wanted advice on how to find the courage to move forward with it. A little further along in the conversation, I discovered that she’d had the idea for nearly two years. During that time, she had absolutely everything in place to make it work, but her fear that ‘no one would turn up’ literally paralysed her from moving forward. This is not an unusual story. Almost every day I will hear a friend, family member or colleague tell me about a brilliant idea they have, an idea that they never follow through with because they don’t believe they are good enough, worthy enough or capable enough to really make the idea come to life. How many times have you had an idea that you have let go because you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to make it work? How many times have you been too afraid to reach out to someone out of fear of rejection? How many times have you allowed yourself to dismiss your dreams because they felt too far out of reach? Procrastination and apprehension about taking action are so often driven by fear of failure: we avoid applying ourselves because it is easier not to try at all than to try and then fail. When this fear of failure is influencing us, it is easy to make a whole bunch of excuses about why we can’t do something: we say we don’t have the time, resources or energy. What do these excuses and lack of action say to the universe? They say, ‘I’m not ready for it and I don’t really believe I am worthy enough to receive it.’ And as we know from Step 2: Remove Fear and Doubt (see page 23), this fear will block you from attracting the very thing that you desire. BEING PROACTIVE TRANSCENDS THE FEAR OF FAILURE. Imagine that you want to manifest a successful new business. Let me show you the difference between behaving in a way that is limited by fear and doubt (Version A) and behaving in a proactive way that is aligned with your vision and transcends fear and doubt (Version B). Version A Your fear of rejection prevents you from reaching out to new clients, your fear of judgement stops you from marketing yourself online, your doubts stop you from investing adequately into the business and your fear of failure blinds you from seeing potential opportunities and prevents you from taking risks. You behave in a way that keeps you trapped in your comfort zone without potential for real growth and expansion. Version B You reach out to potential new clients, you promote yourself on every platform, you ask for advice from mentors, you are proactive in finding people to collaborate with, you see potential opportunities and grasp them, you find innovative ways to market yourself and you invest the time, energy and money needed for the business to succeed to the level that you desire. It is clear to see how the way in which you behave would impact on your ability to manifest a successful new business. The person in version B will be proactively reaching their goals and, in doing so, will be much more effective in manifesting their dreams than the person in version A. Another example of being proactive is this: if you want to manifest a loving relationship, you cannot simply put all the specific qualities and attributes of your perfect partner on a vision board and expect that person to appear. To manifest them into your life, you must align your behaviour accordingly. This would mean, first and foremost, treating yourself with the level of respect and love you want to attract (that is, by cultivating self-love). It would then mean being open to and proactive in creating opportunities to meet someone, whether that’s joining a dating app, accepting offers to be set up by a friend or simply going to more social gatherings. Whenever you want to manifest something into your life, you have to align your behaviour by taking action and being proactive. Aligning our behaviour shows the universe, ‘I am ready, I am fearless, I am worthy.’ And the universe will meet that fearlessness and readiness with abundance. Some of you reading this may feel that the fears and doubts you identified in Step 2: Remove Fear and Doubt (see pages 33–5) are still very real. You may be asking, ‘How can I align my behaviour when I don’t feel like I’ve completed Step 2?’ or ‘How can I be proactive when I still feel afraid that I will fail?’ The answer is that you work these steps in unison. Removing fear and doubt is an ongoing process, and it is something that you do alongside aligning your behaviour. Can you remember a time when you said you couldn’t do something but decided to try anyway? Can you remember how proud of yourself you felt afterwards? Did that feeling of pride then enable you to continue to take steps forward? I see this with my son, Wolfe, all the time. We went to a ‘little gymnastics’ class last week and there was a balancing beam he wanted to walk along. He was convinced he couldn’t do it on his own, and he would reach for my hand to help him the whole way along. But when I gently let go and encouraged him to do it alone, I saw his face light up. He was so proud of himself. The next time he walked along the balancing beam, he looked at me as if to say, ‘Don’t worry, Mum, I’ve got this.’ This is how you behave in a way that transcends your fears and doubts: you do something, despite feeling afraid, and in taking action you build your self-belief and self worth, which in turn drives your manifesting power and helps you to continue to take action going forward. It’s an upward cycle. Essentially, you just need to feel the fear and do it anyway. You know that saying ‘Fake it until you make it’? Well, I heard a better version recently that made much more sense to me and fits perfectly with this step: FAKE IT UNTIL YOU BECOME IT. Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith and trust that by acting in ways that align with the idea of who we want to be, we will take ourselves closer to becoming it. Remember, back in Step 1: Be Clear in Your Vision (see page 14), I said that one of the most important questions you can ask yourself on your manifesting journey is ‘Who do I want to become?’ When we have clarity on this person, on the most empowered version of ourselves, we can begin to behave in ways that align us with them from this moment. To give you an example, I have a friend who for many years wanted to work as a life coach to help other men on their healing journeys. He had completed a coaching course and spent most of his spare time helping the people around him, but he held a great deal of fear around turning this into a profession. He didn’t trust that his experience and understanding had enough value to deserve payment, so he avoided letting anyone know that he was a certified coach and never risked exposing himself to failure. After I’d spent some time working through this with him and introducing him to the world of manifesting, he decided to start ‘faking it until he became it’. I said to him, ‘If you were already a successful coach, what would you be doing with your time? How would you be marketing yourself and what action would you take?’ He gave me a list of things that he could think of, then I told him to go ahead and do them. Within days, he had set up an Instagram page as a men’s coach, connected with other men in the industry, begun creating self-development content, advertised his own one-on-one sessions, and kept himself open to any and every opportunity that presented itself. Over the course of twelve months, slowly but surely he built up his presence in the wellness industry, created a loyal and engaged community of followers, was working with clients every single week and had hosted a free webinar for men in which he had put together a panel of eight influential men’s mental health experts. By aligning his behaviour with who he wanted to be, even when he was unsure of it himself, the universe rewarded him. Sometimes, we just have to fake it until we become it. Note: For anyone suffering from imposter syndrome, ‘fake it till you become it’ can be a great phrase to return to. When we start a new career or throw ourselves into something unknown, we can experience self-doubt that tells us we aren’t qualified, skilled or knowledgeable enough to do what we are doing. This is totally normal, and there aren’t many people who haven’t felt this way! Remind yourself that by aligning your behaviour, you can step into the most empowered version of yourself from now. With time, you will start to accept and believe the truth: that you are deserving of the position, that you are enough and that you are worthy of thriving. Here is an exercise that can help you identify some of the ways you can align your behaviour with your manifestation by being proactive and taking action. EXERCISE: BEHAVE THE WAY YOUR FUTURE SELF WOULD I want you to take a moment now to imagine your future self. I want you to really sink into this exercise and fill your visualization with details. Imagine the version of you that is at the height of your manifesting powers and has drawn in all that you could want in your life. Make it feel as real as possible, bringing your most magnificent self to life. Now ask yourself the following questions: How do I behave? What do I do to live in such a self-loving, empowered and magnetic way? List five things that your future self does, informed by the most powerful version of yourself. These are the things I want you to start doing in your life right now to take you even closer to meeting your future self. Whenever you think about the person you want to become, think of ways in which you can align your behaviour with that version of yourself from this very moment. Show the universe, in action, that you are ready to embody them, because they already exist within you. GETTING COMFORTABLE WITH DISCOMFORT As you begin aligning your behaviour with your manifestation and your future self, it is important to recognize that it won’t all feel easy and it certainly won’t always feel comfortable. In fact, aligning your behaviour will require you to step into a place of discomfort. Let me explain why. Our subconscious finds comfort in what is familiar to us, even if what is familiar is not necessarily what is good for us. This is because familiarity feels safe. When we act in new ways, we will be encountering things that are unfamiliar. This unfamiliarity will feel uncomfortable and therefore unsafe. It will feel so uncomfortable that our subconscious will desperately try to pull us back into what it’s used to so that it can feel safe again. This is why we self sabotage. For example, let’s imagine that you are someone who has always taken a back seat or shied away from the spotlight. You’ve essentially cast yourself in a supporting role in the story of your life. After years of living like this, that is simply where your subconscious will feel most comfortable: when you hide in the shadow of others. So, when you decide to make a change and say, ‘Now is the time to step into my light, to show the world what I have to offer and finally be the protagonist of my own story,’ your subconscious will panic and try to pull you back into comfortable territory by encouraging you, on a subconscious level, to self-sabotage. It might do this by sabotaging opportunities for you to speak out or be seen or heard, or by subconsciously encouraging you to surround yourself with people who bring you down or whose energy will overshadow yours. I had a friend who was trying to become more confident when meeting new people. She signed up to a parent-baby group that she began going to every week and being able to meet and connect with other new mums was really helping her to build her self-esteem. She seemed to be making an internal shift, but then, a couple of months later, I realized that she hadn’t gone back to the meet-up in weeks; every time she arranged to go, something would ‘coincidentally’ come up, for example she would have double-booked, she would suddenly feel too tired, or she would find herself unexpectedly busy on the day. I told her that all of this was subconscious self-sabotage at play, and only when she could recognize that could she begin to move past it. Another example might be that your goal is to feel healthy, energized and physically fit. Your vision is clear and you see yourself waking up with energy and vitality and feeling fit enough to play outside with your children for hours on end. To reach this goal, you will first have to be proactive in changing your behaviour. For example, instead of making excuses not to exercise or to over indulge in food which make you feel sluggish, you will have to commit to an exercise routine or to making healthier, more nourishing food choices. In other words, you have to be proactive by taking action. After doing this for some time, you will begin to see and feel a difference: your confidence will begin to grow. This is when your subconscious will panic. It doesn’t care that you are feeling good, it just cares that you feel different, and different, for your subconscious, doesn’t feel safe. So it will encourage you to self sabotage by convincing you to binge, to skip your workouts or to give up on your goals altogether. Sound familiar? I certainly used to find myself trapped in self-sabotaging cycles all the time. I was so comfortable in feeling sad, alone and full of self loathing that every time I committed to making changes and started to feel better I would self-sabotage with food, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and toxic relationships. It was only when I became aware of what my subconscious was trying to do that I was able to overcome the urges to self-sabotage and instead stay focused on where I wanted to be. I could then sit through the discomfort until I established a new familiarity – and that is how you create real and lasting change. Whenever we enter a period of transformation and we begin to align our behaviour with what we want to attract into our lives, we must simultaneously expect a period of discomfort and then make a conscious commitment to accept it and sit through it. We must resist the urge to self-sabotage, and we must learn to live in this new, empowered place until it feels like home. Because, when we live in a place that is not limited by our fears and doubts, we unlock all the abundance of the universe. STEPPING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE Once we have understood the self-sabotaging cycle and the requirement to be OK with some degree of discomfort, we can align our behaviour in the most powerful and magnetic way of all: by regularly, and continuously, stepping outside our comfort zone. TO MANIFEST CHANGE, WE MUST FIRST CREATE CHANGE. WE MUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT, WE MUST CHALLENGE OUR FEARS AND DOUBTS, WE MUST ACT AS OUR FUTURE SELF WOULD ACT AND WE MUST SHOW THE UNIVERSE HOW READY AND WILLING WE ARE TO STEP INTO OUR POWER. On any manifesting journey, you will be required to step outside your comfort zone. It is non-negotiable. Every single time you step outside your comfort zone, you attract abundance to you. This is because magic happens outside your comfort zone. People often say to me, ‘I’m thinking of quitting my job. Should I do it?’ or ‘I’ve had this idea for a new venture. Should I go for it?’ My answer is always the same: absolutely, yes. When you begin to realize that you have the power within you to create a wonderful, exciting and abundant life for yourself, you will naturally start to think of ways that you can step outside your comfort zone. The journey of manifesting is always accompanied with inspiration, creativity and an influx of ideas that will just come to you, seemingly out of nowhere. You might be meditating, about to fall asleep, out for a walk or talking to a friend, and an idea will flow in. I like to think of these ideas as little gifts from the universe. They come to you for a reason: they are an opportunity for you to step outside your comfort zone so that you can create the change you need to get to where you want to be. They are an opportunity for you to show the universe that you are not held back by fear and doubt. When the ideas come, do not ignore them. Instead, make the self-loving decision to take action and step outside your comfort zone. Here are a few ways to help you step outside your comfort zone and into your manifesting power: 1. Be clear on your why Before stepping outside your comfort zone, be clear on why you want to do so. The ‘why’ is what will drive you through the discomfort. The ‘why’ is what will keep you focused and connected to your vision and keep you motivated if you are met with any challenges or obstacles. FAQ: Q: How do I find out what my ‘why’ is? A: Whenever you think of something you want to manifest, ask yourself, ‘What do I think achieving that goal will do for me energetically, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually? How will it affect my day-to-day life and my feelings of peace, contentment, self-love and joy?’ For example, let’s imagine that your friend tells you that a position is opening up at the firm she works at and the role feels just perfect for you. You immediately decide to apply but then see that, as part of the application process, you have to film yourself talking to camera. If you are someone who has always struggled with being in front of the camera, this would require you to sit through some discomfort while you step outside your comfort zone. So, you would really need to identify your ‘why’ so that it can drive you through the discomfort. It could be ‘This job would enable me to work in an area I am truly passionate about. I would feel excited to go to work in the morning and doing something I actually love would make me feel more at peace, it would bring more joy into my life and it would improve the overall quality of my life.’ By remaining focused on your ‘why’, you will be able to gain the momentum and courage required to film the clip, despite feeling a little uncomfortable or afraid, because you can clearly see the bigger picture and the end goal. 2. Remove excuses Excuses are nothing more than a form of self-sabotage. They give us an ‘out’. Excuses come in many forms but, most commonly, they sound like this: ‘I’m too busy’; ‘I’m too tired’; ‘It’s too difficult’; ‘I’m not ready’; ‘I’ll do it another day’; ‘I don’t have the resources’; ‘It didn’t work last time I tried’; ‘I won’t be able to do it perfectly’; ‘I’m not good enough.’ But we must expose our excuses for what they really are: an expression of our fear and doubt. They come out to hold us back from moving forward and stepping into our power when we subconsciously feel that we are not yet ready for greatness. The way to remove excuses is to question every aspect of them. By questioning them, we take away their power. The next time you say to yourself, ‘I am too busy,’ ask yourself, ‘Why am I telling myself that? What am I afraid of? What would happen if I removed the excuse?’ 3. Don’t give up when faced with challenges When we step outside our comfort zone, everything will be new, which means that inevitably we will be faced with some obstacles to overcome. ONE OF THE MOST COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF ANY SUCCESSFUL INDIVIDUAL IS THEIR ABILITY AND WILLINGNESS TO PERSIST THROUGH CHALLENGES. I’m sure that every one of us can remember a time when we have buckled and given up at the first hurdle. Why do we do this? Because challenges trigger our insecurities and test our self-worth. If we are faced with something that we find difficult, we question our own abilities, or if a plan falls through, we worry that we are simply ‘unlucky’. We allow challenges to reinforce our limiting and subconscious beliefs that we are not worthy of having the things we desire most. So, then what do we do? We run – we run because our innate tendency is to escape from things that make us feel ‘bad’. But if you want to manifest successfully, you must resist the urge to give up and instead find an alternative way to move forward. I have always been obsessed with reading, watching and hearing the stories of incredibly successful people, from CEOs to world-famous musicians. What I find most inspiring about their journeys is learning about the times they had to persist in the face of challenge, or when they had to think of creative new ways to overcome a potential deterrent to their dreams. It reminds me that the road to success, or to manifesting everything you want, is not always easy or straightforward. You have to show up for yourself, take action, and keep going, even when you might feel like throwing in the towel. I know that if I had given up at every challenge or opportunity that came my way, I would never, ever have succeeded in manifesting all the things that I have into my life. My own story was not a case of visualizing what I wanted, taking action and then seeing all of it come to me straight away. I still had to face rejections and hurdles. But I never allowed them to stop me from moving forward. I never let them derail me or distract me from my goal. In fact, I flat out refuse to be defeated by obstacles. When something doesn’t go right first time, I simply think of another way to do it. Challenges are an inevitable part of life and, rather than seeing them as limitations, I urge you to begin to see them as gifts and opportunities. Challenges give us the chance to show up for ourselves, to learn something new, to build strength, knowledge and resilience. Challenges push us in new directions and give us new perspectives. Make a choice, right now, to be guided by challenges that you may face instead of being put off by them. In doing so, you send a message to the universe that says, ‘I am stronger than the challenge I am faced with,’ and then the universe will reward your self-belief with abundance. 4. The 5-second rule One of my favourite speakers, Mel Robbins, has an amazing exercise that you can use whenever you are faced with an opportunity to step out of your comfort zone but are feeling fear or trepidation about doing so. She calls it ‘the 5-second rule’. Mel says, ‘The moment your instincts fire up, but you feel yourself hesitate, that’s when you use the “5-Second Rule”.’ You have five seconds. Start counting backwards to yourself from five to one, then move before you reach zero. She says that, ‘If you have an impulse to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill the idea.’ """